Last week, I spoke in class about the role external validation of grades played in my life. I always cared more about the grade than the content I was producing. I was able to mold and shape my voice or my message to appeal to the instructor’s perception versus my own. In the Brooke and Car piece, they talk about how students won’t take risks because they are worried about their grade, and I heavily relate to that. It wasn’t until graduate school where I had to start unlearning the external validation of a grade. I had to exercise the muscles of confidence and trusting myself instead. In our current academic climate, we are often discouraged to think outside of the box and question our systems. Critical thinking is not a muscle we exercise very regularly in a classroom setting. I feel like I was always really hard on myself growing up because of the pressure of the grading process. Whenever I would turn in a draft and it came back covered in red pen and a question mark here and there, my confidence would plummet. I would feel dumb and that my writing sucked when in reality, no one’s first draft is ever good or perfect. I never felt like my writing was good enough, but it was always something I enjoyed to do (especially fiction writing).
I read the Sommer’s article last semester in Writing Theory and Practice, and it changed the way I revise my work. Reading it once again, enforced the importance of properly revising. I used to only revise my wording, perhaps sentence structure, and my grammar. I would occasionally reorganize my work but not in a very efficient way. In fact, before I read this article, whenever I would reorganize my paragraphs, often, my work or at least my mind would feel more scattered because I went against my original plan. I also never thought to revise my ideas. I never thought that I could maybe change my mind or take a different approach to something. It always felt like I was locked into an idea or process. I believe that is because of the grading aspect. I was always worried that something wouldn’t line up from my outlines to my finished product. I was worried if my ideas changed, I would get a bad grade. Why does the system place so much emphasis on a certain structure that is not always productive?
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